Really, really quick cartoon ...

And quick doesn't necessarily mean funny. On the plus side, I didn't have to draw it as I swiped it from The New Yorker caption a cartoon contest page ...

Some stills from the 'Fastwalker' music video ...

To elaborate on my previous post, I directed and animated this video for Fastwalker at the end of last year.

I gave myself four weeks to make it in and, apart from one day of shooting reference pics of the band where I had two production assistants, it was another solo effort.

After meeting this insane self-imposed deadline, the video didn't actually air until six months after the fact.

If I knew I had half a year to make this, I'd either have squandered the extra time or I could have created a masterpiece.

I'm not really complaining though as impossible deadlines support the illusion that I am truly heroic.

Fastwalker - I Don't Mind music video

I made this video last year for a band called 'Fastwalker'. I had the usual archaic animation tools at my disposal and enjoyed a zero budget.

I don't know why the youtube clip hasn't loaded the entire view of the screen in this post but it could have something to do with the fact that I am not a wizard...

From the archives ...

This was published sometime in the early 21st century. I can't give you an exact date because I don't care.

I remember when I was an animator ...

Actually, that's bullshit. I never considered myself an animator. I was just a guy who could draw really fast thus creating the illusion of movement. (Another 'Secrets From The Masters' revealed.)

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, a few years ago I inadvertently became a full-time animator when I created a character called 'Media Dog'.

I initially developed 'Media Dog' as a cartoon strip but the handful of newspaper editors I approached were basically scared shitless by the idea ( the modern New Zealand print media - stalwarts of originality).

As luck would have it, I showed the cartoon strip samples to the makers of T.V. show 'Eating Media Lunch' and they said, "yeah, alright - fuck it" or words to that effect so I got in on the ground floor.

Along with the multi-hyphenate Andrew Conlan (who would voice most of the characters I created during Eating Media Lunch's long run), I got to work with Karl Wills on the first few episodes.

Karl is the one of the few New Zealand comic book artists and animators whom I think deserves to conquer the planet. In fact, I think he might be in the process of doing so.

Anyway, getting back to me (because it is all about me), here's my original script of the very first episode of 'Media Dog'.

I got into trouble for this one. Dunno why ...

I know you're asleep but have I got a great idea for a book ...

If you're not a "director" or an "actor" in this town, then you must be a writer. And you're just bursting with stories to tell because you know that everyone else's favourite past times include having the tits bored off them.

But I digress. Here's the plan. Seeing how I'm the only sane person who knows that cartoons/comics/manga/band de-whatever-the-fuck-you-want-to-call-them are the basest form of "art" (right down there with being a director, actor or writer) and I'm proof that any dumb fuck with a crayon in his hand can draw them (see my previous blog posts, some of them are just chock full of 2 minute crayola goodness), I thought it would be a merry prank to crank out a "graphic novel".

What's the plot? Fucked if I know. All I can guarantee is that it won't be some whiney milquetoast bleat about "Oh, I am a poor struggling genius who is trying to overcome my writer's block and I shall do it in a poetic manner because at least there will be unintentional laughs along the way."

No, it won't be like that at all.

So as soon as I can be fucked, I'll post a page a day. You can collect them all, print them out, wrap some frayed elastic from your shit-stained underpants around it and bingo - you've got yourself a "graphic novel".

Of course it's going to be a work of staggering genius. How can it be but anything else with a title like 'The Bad Cartoonist'?

Fuck Ink ...

I can't be bothered inking this in. I share my work with an already indifferent world so why should I go the extra mile for people who don't even care? Yep, that'll teach you.