BARRY - MY FIRST AND ONLY TV 'SITCOM'

I painted this a few years ago - it was my first attempt at a watercolour and I was quite pleased with the results so I used it as a non-sequitur gag cartoon for the Listener. I then decided to squeeze a little more mileage from it so I wrote a disturbing comedy television pilot called 'Barry' based on this single image (with the intent of having a crack at directing real living characters as opposed to those of the animated variety). Incidentally, I cast the model of the painting as one of the leading men. 'Barry' went to air in 2005 and was promptly rejected for any further funding for a series. And then I went home.

Really, really quick cartoon ...

And quick doesn't necessarily mean funny. On the plus side, I didn't have to draw it as I swiped it from The New Yorker caption a cartoon contest page ...

Some stills from the 'Fastwalker' music video ...

To elaborate on my previous post, I directed and animated this video for Fastwalker at the end of last year.

I gave myself four weeks to make it in and, apart from one day of shooting reference pics of the band where I had two production assistants, it was another solo effort.

After meeting this insane self-imposed deadline, the video didn't actually air until six months after the fact.

If I knew I had half a year to make this, I'd either have squandered the extra time or I could have created a masterpiece.

I'm not really complaining though as impossible deadlines support the illusion that I am truly heroic.

Fastwalker - I Don't Mind music video

I made this video last year for a band called 'Fastwalker'. I had the usual archaic animation tools at my disposal and enjoyed a zero budget.

I don't know why the youtube clip hasn't loaded the entire view of the screen in this post but it could have something to do with the fact that I am not a wizard...

From the archives ...

This was published sometime in the early 21st century. I can't give you an exact date because I don't care.

I remember when I was an animator ...

Actually, that's bullshit. I never considered myself an animator. I was just a guy who could draw really fast thus creating the illusion of movement. (Another 'Secrets From The Masters' revealed.)

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, a few years ago I inadvertently became a full-time animator when I created a character called 'Media Dog'.

I initially developed 'Media Dog' as a cartoon strip but the handful of newspaper editors I approached were basically scared shitless by the idea ( the modern New Zealand print media - stalwarts of originality).

As luck would have it, I showed the cartoon strip samples to the makers of T.V. show 'Eating Media Lunch' and they said, "yeah, alright - fuck it" or words to that effect so I got in on the ground floor.

Along with the multi-hyphenate Andrew Conlan (who would voice most of the characters I created during Eating Media Lunch's long run), I got to work with Karl Wills on the first few episodes.

Karl is the one of the few New Zealand comic book artists and animators whom I think deserves to conquer the planet. In fact, I think he might be in the process of doing so.

Anyway, getting back to me (because it is all about me), here's my original script of the very first episode of 'Media Dog'.

I got into trouble for this one. Dunno why ...

I know you're asleep but have I got a great idea for a book ...

If you're not a "director" or an "actor" in this town, then you must be a writer. And you're just bursting with stories to tell because you know that everyone else's favourite past times include having the tits bored off them.

But I digress. Here's the plan. Seeing how I'm the only sane person who knows that cartoons/comics/manga/band de-whatever-the-fuck-you-want-to-call-them are the basest form of "art" (right down there with being a director, actor or writer) and I'm proof that any dumb fuck with a crayon in his hand can draw them (see my previous blog posts, some of them are just chock full of 2 minute crayola goodness), I thought it would be a merry prank to crank out a "graphic novel".

What's the plot? Fucked if I know. All I can guarantee is that it won't be some whiney milquetoast bleat about "Oh, I am a poor struggling genius who is trying to overcome my writer's block and I shall do it in a poetic manner because at least there will be unintentional laughs along the way."

No, it won't be like that at all.

So as soon as I can be fucked, I'll post a page a day. You can collect them all, print them out, wrap some frayed elastic from your shit-stained underpants around it and bingo - you've got yourself a "graphic novel".

Of course it's going to be a work of staggering genius. How can it be but anything else with a title like 'The Bad Cartoonist'?

Fuck Ink ...

I can't be bothered inking this in. I share my work with an already indifferent world so why should I go the extra mile for people who don't even care? Yep, that'll teach you.

Let's make the world a better place ...

New T-Shirt design ...

I developed this style last year - very clean, very minimalist and ultimately versatile.

The "ultimately" part only came to me this afternoon when I found the design in one of my old sketchbooks and decided to turn it into a t-shirt. You can buy that t-shirt here ...

Some old published stuff ...

The Dirty Fucker ...

Adventures in rock ...

Failure comes in colours ...

This is an old comic strip which I must have thought was okay at the time because it actually made it to the inking and colouring stage. I'm sure I submitted this to an American children's magazine and promptly collected the rejection slip via email (which is no mean feat in the world of publishing as they normally make you sweat it for months).

Anyway, I don't want to dwell on that whole rejection trip because right now I'm feeling pretty bulletproof and I've got the empty whisky bottles rolling beneath my computer desk to prove it ...

THREATENING WEATHER!!!

Final attempt at being cute for today (if not forever) ...

BUY IT NOW!!!

YOU ARE FRIENDLY!!!

Hi! Hat!

BUY IT NOW!!!

Pure cartooning ...

New T-Shirt for sale ...

http://www.zazzle.com/fly_magnet_tshirt-235547652774516309

Misogyny Monday ...

Another one destined for The New Yorker ...

What about the younglings?

The Splendid Fellow ...

Children's Hour ...

The time to laugh is now ...

Another sophisticated cartoon circa 1990. This one didn't even make it to the inking stage so I'm figuring that I didn't send it to The New Yorker.

I guess my Spidey sense was tingling like crazy that day ...

Interesting People #35 in a series

Gag Reject/Reflex Part Two

Gag Reject/Reflex

Pencil thumbnail from an old sketchbook.

Sophisticated Cartoon

I found this cartoon in my junk pile a few minutes ago. According to the date on the folder, I drew/scribbled it around 1990. I'm sure I sent it to The New Yorker ...

Interesting People: #48 in a series

Iphone Brushes

I thought I'd play around with David Hockney's favourite tool hence the title of this post. In all honesty, I don't have the cutter to afford an Iphone so I make do with an Ipod Touch.

The keen thing about the Touch is that it looks exactly like an Iphone so when I'm being a loner I can pretend to be taking important calls from important people without the risk of having it actually ring.

Here's my first attempt with Brushes. It took about three minutes to draw...

... which is three minutes I'll never get back. It looks like a deformed Burne Hogarth drawing or, to be precise, shit.

Normally I wouldn't share terrible drawings with anyone but since this blog is all about failure, I'm doing it for dark laughs.

These are better because they're supposed to suck ...

And this last one I'll be turning into a t-shirt (coming soon to http:www.zazzle.com/moggyman) ...

Pretty cool story, huh?

I'll just leave this here #3 ...

I'll just leave this here #2 ...

Jolly Time

So I was watching this chick flick the other night and it was terribly sad. And the tears, the tears were streaming down my face but my eyes were dry.

And that's when I realised that I was crying from my mouth. Tears were pouring from between my lips and dribbling down my chin.

So the next day I went to the dentist and I said to him, "My teeth are crying."

And he looked in my mouth and said, "You have sensitive teeth."

So I asked him, "What should I do about it?"

And he said, "Why don't you shut the fuck up?"

I'll just leave this here ...

I Am Curious Blue

Ever had one of those awkward silences in a conversation where you thought, "If only I could impress everyone with an obscure visual reference to 1960s Swedish arthouse cinema" ...

... or am I just projecting?

BUY IT! http://www.zazzle.com/i_am_curious_blue_tshirt-235517106109889050

ANTHROPOMORPHISM RUN AMUCK!!!

Hatched this last night (note the clever wordplay here) ...

And then I found my old colouring pencils ...

And then I thought that I'd better share it with the world ...

http://www.zazzle.com/chickchick_bag-149396258774303879